Feedback needed for the story of the game

Alex /

Hi guys. The intro story of the game is somewhat finished and was done by a friend of ours that has better english skills then us .Some minor tweaks will be made in the next few days to make it a bit more readable (adding a few more commas where they’re needed and other minor tweaking). If you got some time to read and the mood for it, I’d appreciate an opinion on the story below :

Prologue

The world has changed. Under the heavy hand of history, land is changing its shape, people are changing their thoughts and words are changing their meanings. An older concept is being brought back to life: power – the measure of all things.

The same reason and force that once made people unite – creating tribes at first, large armies later – is now tearing families apart. Power makes a man gain a class, a place in existence’s vast memory; this is the best way for winning an identity.

For people are the weakest, when the illusion of power becomes their psychosis and the imaginary becomes their first nature. They become vampires – not the legendary ones – seeking a blood that gains the view of each one’s desire and they would joyfully give their lives for that purpose. In the altar in which Evil had made its moves onward world domination through swords and fire, there are also named the humans chosen to make this possible.

The Ancient Stones speak in great silence of an alliance of brave men, Fate of the Rose, ruled by four brothers that, hundreds of years ago, kept the flag of freedom against obedience to the tyrants of the world, the emperors of the Dark Empire. The alliance was flawless, for the spiritual dimension of its leaders were all the pieces needed for a glorious omnipresence: the Trader – well developed capacity of weighting not only goods, but also situations and a precise sense of numbers; the Priest – strong in his beliefs, caretaker of the beliefs of people seeking advice and direction; the Warrior – courageous and very skillful in battle, he enclosed within himself the knowledge of weapons; the last one is the Barbarian – resembling in some ways the Warrior, he was endowed with great physical strength and great impact over the enemies, due to his numerous armies, attacking with rage and lust for glory. These were the four element of a powerful mechanism that stood in chaos and anarchy’s way for years.

In their last great victory against human evil, they heard of a relic with great power, the Scepter of Ur, an artifact that could unite and disunite humans under a sole commandment. Right before the alliance got to the last bastion of the Dark Empire, one of the Dark Lords displaced the Scepter in four pieces and buried them in four corners of the world. Assuming that the destruction of this instrument will guard peace and freedom, the four brothers departed, one in each corner of the four.

After finding them, one after another, the brave knights succumbed to the desire of being for themselves rulers of the peace and freedom they desired. They have settled in each corner they looked for the components of the scepter and gave birth, from their own inner spark, on the one hand, to four great kingdoms: The Papal State, The Hanseatic League, Valachia and the Mongol Empire and, on the other hand, to an irreversible separation between them.

Old family ties are forgotten, ideas and feelings are put behind and the Four are now in quest for ultimate power but, unlike other times, for their own. Because none of them wanted to unite their kingdoms by will, a war is now imminent. The only good thing – but an expensive one – the war and the wish for more ever brought is evolution. Civilizations were forged and conquered inside war rooms, a certain kind of competition developed between opposite sides, making them climb higher on the scale of human life complexity. As time passes, the four kingdoms get bigger, stronger, they develop new standards of living and fighting and they permanently search for more.

The Scepter of Ur cannot be assembled, since none of the four leaders would give up his piece. But it has been heard of other relics which, found and put together, would give great mystical power to the bearer. Alas, no matter of how great that power can be or get, it does not last forever. And everyone seems to know that, because their kingdoms are getting prepared for war.

As this story is about to end and as reality is about to be unleashed to decide upon the fate of its participants, these words are mystified and enwrapped in an aura of auspicious times. The Ancient Stones are still the ones to observe and memorize the events to come…

Thus, the hunt for power begins!

PS: anyone got talent in voice acting or a nice voice like Leonidas from the movie 300? There are no money involved unfortunately, only our gratitude and a free VIP account for life. We’re thinking of an audio intro to the game in addition to the text, so that’s why I’m asking.